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<\/p>\nThe morning I told my mother she had to leave, the sky was the color of old newspaper \u2014 grey and used up, the kind of sky that doesn\u2019t promise anything. I had rehearsed the words a dozen times in the bathroom mirror while shaving, watching my reflection mouth sentences that sounded reasonable in my head but felt like stones in my throat.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa, the kids need more room. Priya\u2019s in high school now. Dev needs a study. The baby \u2014 well, she\u2019s not really a baby anymore, she\u2019s six and she needs her own space. You understand, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I told myself it was practical. I told myself it was necessary. I told myself that reasonable people make reasonable decisions and that this was, above all else, a reasonable thing to do.<\/p>\n
My mother was sitting in the chair by the window \u2014 the armchair my father had bought at a furniture shop in Lajpat Nagar thirty years ago, the one with the faded floral pattern that she had reupholstered twice because she couldn\u2019t bear to part with it. She had a cup of tea in her hands. She didn\u2019t look up when I walked in. She just kept looking out at the small garden below, at the curry leaf tree my father had planted the year they moved in, at the jasmine that climbed the rusted iron railing.<\/p>\n
I said my piece. I said it as gently as I could, which wasn\u2019t very gently at all.<\/p>\n
She was quiet for a long time. The kind of quiet that doesn\u2019t ask for anything \u2014 not reassurance, not argument, not mercy. Just quiet.<\/p>\n
Then she smiled. Not a broken smile, not a bitter one. A genuine, soft, unsurprised smile, as though she had been waiting for this conversation for years and had long since made her peace with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will only take my plant with me,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I looked at the plant on the windowsill. It was a money plant \u2014 the kind people keep in glass bottles of water, or in terracotta pots like this one. Unremarkable. Heart-shaped leaves, trailing vines. She had had it for as long as I could remember. As a child, I had watched her water it with the leftover water from washing rice. I had watched her talk to it sometimes, murmuring things I couldn\u2019t hear.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course,\u201d I said. \u201cTake whatever you want.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI only want the plant,\u201d she repeated, and turned back to the window.<\/p>\n
I drove her around the city for two hours, asking her where she wanted to go. She sat in the passenger seat with the pot in her lap, cradling it the way she used to cradle me when I was sick with fever, the way she\u2019d cradled each of my children in turn. She had her handbag on the floor by her feet, the same brown leather bag she\u2019d carried for fifteen years, its handles worn smooth.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a good place in Vasant Kunj,\u201d I offered. \u201cNisha aunty\u2019s mother-in-law stayed there. She said it was nice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much?\u201d<\/p>\n
I told her.<\/p>\n
She shook her head. \u201cToo much. You don\u2019t earn much, beta. I know that. The EMI on the flat, the children\u2019s school fees, Meena\u2019s job situation \u2014 I know everything. I don\u2019t want you spending all your money on your sick mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not that sick, Ma.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me then, and I understood that she was. That there were things she hadn\u2019t told me. That she had been carrying something in her body for a while now, quietly, in the way she carried everything \u2014 without fuss, without demand.<\/p>\n
\u201cTake me to the least expensive place,\u201d she said. \u201cA clean one. That\u2019s all I ask. Clean and quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
We ended up at a place in the outer edge of the city, a low building with a small garden out front and pale yellow walls that had not been repainted in some years. It smelled of phenyl and boiled lentils and something else beneath both of those \u2014 the particular smell of lives being waited out. The woman at the front desk had kind eyes and a tired smile. The room was small. There was a window, and enough light.<\/p>\n
My mother walked in, set her pot on the windowsill, and turned to me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s fine,\u201d she said. \u201cGo home, beta. The children will be waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hugged her. I don\u2019t remember if I held her long enough. I have tried, many times since, to remember if I held her long enough, and I cannot.<\/p>\n
I drove home through the grey city and told my wife it had gone fine, and we had dinner, and Dev complained about his homework, and the baby wanted a story, and I read her one, and then I sat in front of the television without watching it, and told myself I had done a reasonable thing.<\/p>\n
I visited three times in forty days.<\/p>\n
The first time, she was sitting up in bed with a library book on her lap, the plant beside her on the sill. She asked about the children by name, asked Priya about her exams, sent a packet of the cashew sweets she\u2019d somehow procured for Dev. She held my hand when I sat beside her and didn\u2019t ask for anything.<\/p>\n
The second time, she was thinner. The nurse said she was eating less. My mother waved this away as though the nurse were being dramatic. She had me re-pot the plant \u2014 the soil\u2019s compacted, she said, it needs fresh soil, there\u2019s a bag of it under the bed \u2014 and I did, my hands dark with earth, while she watched and directed with the authority she had always applied to any task she considered important.<\/p>\n
\u201cTalk to it sometimes,\u201d she told me.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo the plant?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo the plant. When I\u2019m not here to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed. She didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
The third time, she was sleeping. I sat beside her for forty minutes and watched her breathe. The plant was still there on the sill. Three new leaves had grown since the last visit \u2014 small, bright, almost aggressively alive in that still room. When she woke, she held my face in her hands the way she had when I was small, cupping my cheeks, looking at me as though memorising something.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are a good boy,\u201d she said. \u201cYou have always tried.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wanted to tell her that trying wasn\u2019t enough, that I should have done better than trying, that trying was what people said when they couldn\u2019t bring themselves to say they had failed. I said none of this. I said I loved her. She said she knew.<\/p>\n
That was the last time I saw her.<\/p>\n
The call came on a Tuesday morning, forty days after I had carried her pot into that pale yellow building and left her beside it. It was the kind nurse, the one with the tired smile. She used careful words. She said my mother had gone quietly, in her sleep, in the early hours. She said there had been no pain that anyone could see. She said my mother had been at peace.<\/p>\n
I sat in my car in the parking garage beneath my office for a long time. I didn\u2019t cry immediately. I sat and I thought about the curry leaf tree in the garden of the old flat \u2014 the flat that was now Priya\u2019s study and Dev\u2019s study and the baby\u2019s room, the flat that had been my father\u2019s and then my mother\u2019s and was now efficiently redistributed among the living \u2014 and I thought about how my mother had tended that tree for thirty years, watering it, talking to it, collecting its leaves for cooking.<\/p>\n
I thought about how, when I had told her she had to leave, she had looked out at that tree one last time and said nothing about it. She had asked only for the plant.<\/p>\n
She had taken only the plant.<\/p>\n
The plant came home with me in the back of the car, still in the terracotta pot. Beside it was her handbag \u2014 the brown leather one, handles worn smooth \u2014 and a small envelope with my name on it in her handwriting, which had always been beautiful, precise and slanted, the handwriting of a woman who had gone to school when penmanship was still considered a form of character.<\/p>\n
I put the plant on the kitchen windowsill. Meena asked if I was all right. I said I was. The children moved around me carefully, the way children do when they understand that something has broken without quite knowing what or how.<\/p>\n
That evening, I opened the envelope.<\/p>\n
The note inside was short. She had never been a woman who used more words than necessary.<\/p>\n
My darling,<\/p>\n
The plant is yours now. Please take care of it. Talk to it sometimes \u2014 it doesn\u2019t mind foolish conversation, and neither does the soil.<\/p>\n
Search inside the soil.<\/p>\n
All my love, always \u2014<\/p>\n
Your Ma<\/p>\n
I read it three times. Then I read it a fourth time, because I thought I must be misunderstanding something, that there must be a meaning I was glossing over in my grief. But it said what it said.<\/p>\n
Search inside the soil.<\/p>\n
I went to the kitchen window. I looked at the plant, its trailing green vines, its heart-shaped leaves. Then I got a spoon from the drawer and I began, carefully, to dig.<\/p>\n
The spoon touched something hard about four inches down.<\/p>\n
I set the spoon aside and used my fingers, working gently so as not to disturb the roots that had woven themselves through the dark earth over years and years of careful tending. The soil was cool and faintly damp. It smelled of rain, though it hadn\u2019t rained. It smelled, somehow, of her kitchen.<\/p>\n
I found it wrapped in a small piece of oilcloth \u2014 the kind she had used to line her kitchen shelves, white with a pattern of faded blue flowers. Inside the oilcloth, sealed in a plastic zip-lock bag that she must have placed there with great deliberateness, was a roll of currency notes and a folded piece of paper.<\/p>\n
I counted the notes with shaking hands. Two lakhs and forty thousand rupees. Savings in cash, tucked into the soil of a money plant, in the particular logic of a woman who had grown up trusting earth more than banks.<\/p>\n